As I was outside checking to see what the dogs were trying to get....I see the sand move and hear ripping noise...I figured its a Mole...I grab a rock and wait. Sure enough it progesses to move. I Slam the rock in to the hole again and gain. Take another and dig, slam, dig, slam until I see this pulsating fur....OH yuck so I slam, slam, slam Yep its dead, I dig it up and poor little fella with HUGE feet....SO I call MiKaila out and we both feel bad for yelling at the dogs. We thought they were doing some trouble..Well As I bag it up I though ya know...Here I am:
A homeschooling, putting up with bullshit, rattlsnake, mole, mouse killing MOM. I Have a hubby who we have a love/hate- hate to love relationship, I put up with his mom's crying how come I dont send pictures shit, even though I dont talk to her...feels great but its Tom that relays messages to. I've been abandoned by many people in my life but I keep on going. I have been talked about, talked down to, pushed around, made fun of, laughed at, laughed with, yelled at, I yelled too, Misjudged, complimented, competed against but not for, been abused in all ways, I may have verbally or emotionally abused my oldest when we were younger because of my upbringing not knowing it at the time But learned before it was too late. I Have ADHD/Bipolar/depression. I Knows Bipolar and ADHD, depressive people. I get misunderstood whne speaking about thes issies and what I stand for. I love listening amd helping others regardless. Some people turn to me, I try to turn to some peopl and I am too much for them to handle. I get frustrated and stressed easily, others who dont cant understand it. Just because I may be loud at times doesnt mean one should hate me. When I was growing up I was told to shut up all the time, dont speak unless spoken too, then in school or with others I was told Im to quiet and speak up, I guess I learned to be to be loud to be heard. I learned that sometimes I need to bite my tongue. I am still learning that. I cry over things others wouldnt and sometimes I dont cry at all. When I cried growing up It was okay but only for a certain amount of time is seemed. I was a crying baby. Poor Teri..that was my name. You never get your way. Sometimes I cry now because things dont go right or as I planned. Well I am still working on that but I dont need people telling its life because I do know that. I am smart and dumb at the same time. I am love and hate, I am a mom and friend, I am wife NOT YOUR MOM so dont call me that when I am trying to run a household, sometimes the traits can be the same. Was I shy YES and I now? Somewhat but I can talk the talk anytime. I am not like before, I am seeing things better. Not perfect but better off than before. I wish I can change things in my life but overall I think I am doing good considering. I am not where I wanted to be at this stage of like but I do think I am where I should be in my KIDS's lives. Husband's life well I could be better. I am sick severally with a sinus, dizzy, head infection and I am still writing this. I fight things...I dont give in unless I feel I absolutely have to. No I am not hyped on meds right now LOL. I just fel I need to get thins out. I got treated in a way today I felt has hurt me I am confused at my 9dd' Homeschool PArent Ed. classes today a mom of MiKails'a friend. We met last year hit it off, have lots in common except for she's in her late 50's they adopted Jackie 9yrs ago. Joann is Bipolor extreme, doesnt take meds for it and she is one of those semi-organic people which isnt my cup of tea but that doesnt bother me. We both seen our 9dds struggle in their last school so we decided on this program. I being homeschooling mom before, she wasnt. I told her her I would help and we can do it together sometime.Well for the last a couple of times of Summer MiKaila couldnt do play dates because of sickness etc. This lady hates hearing about this stuff and dram or whatever problems happened. I have listend to hers many times. So now she avoids me. I already decided not to talk so much. TODAY.....I found out her 9dd is having problems and I mentioned she should call me and maybe if the girls can get together one day a week ...WELL she looked at me with this look like "DO I KNOW YOU", she looked down and just shuffled papers and then the teacher walked in. The other 2 people in the room were sitting there. Before she had no problems calling to talk about things or take the girls. So I am somewhat wondering WTF and on the other hand oh well her lose. the girls still see each other and stuff and thats whats important. DO I read into things more that whats there? Sometimes. In this case I am baffled....she is bipolar. Life is so confusing and I struggle everyday with depression and all this crap while on meds even LOL. I am Full of anxiety lately. My 35 b-day is next Wednesday I REALLLY am scared. I hated turning 30. I hate being overweight but I need the meds, I hate feeling unattractive even though I 'm married. I dont like my being shown no matter what. For the last year my convidence went way down more than ever. The last few years has been challengeing. I guess thats the way it goes. I dont like people feeling sorry for me but I do want to be acknowledged. Doesnt everyone? I am one who says i dont care but truth is sometimes I do care. Depends on what it is I guess. I can go on for chapters. But I have to get ready to get 15DD fron the bus stop. If anybody reads this OH MY GOSH Im not sorry...LOL LOL thanks Teri
