OCTOBER 2011

My favorite time of year is finally. September was okay but glad it's over. I am hoping for a great month.

Yesterday was My 37th b-day.

It was a regular day. Just stayed home. Got tons of wishes on my FB wall. We didnt make it out to dinner. hubby had to work late. No drama, Yeah!!!

Friends NOPE not this chick. Same old self she is

that dumb Bitch my so called friend DH sent be a crazy message downing me, my kids etc. she even had her Mom send a letter on how wonderful R is and how happy they are to be in Oregon and how he is making $22hr etc et and that would be nice if your hubby could fine something in his construction etc etc. I WAS like WHAT THE FUCK. That dumb bitch. My husband works year round and actually gets up early to work etc etc. Makes more than that, in the union etc I told her how the girls are doing very good etc. I can nOT believe they were tying to one up me etc. The reason why D thought this was she seen my post that said I dont understand why people run from problems, hide, burn bridges etc...Well Mom and my BROTHER were on my mind. It was a general statement she took personally. Then after I wrote her and asked her WHAT the fuck is she talking about...She then wrote on the post who are you referring to? not stupid teri! I said it was general statement but it was family. That was 3 weeks ago. Well a few days ago I said I am doing FB cleanup which was hiding posts,feeds games etc. Well next thing you know she and her mom de-friended me LMAO. I blocked them from posts. And her friend M. The reason is they come on just to see what I write never to say hi or anything. M has never posted to me in the whole yr we were on FB she hasnt unfriend me yet. Probably waiting for me or to see what I write. She tells D. Fuck them. I'm tired of being used my people FRIENDS, we help them and we are the bad guys. Both D and M are Vicodin addicts WTF. She posted something that my daughter thinks its about me he wall is opened just for me. But I dont understand how it could be I havent said or done anything. I think she wants a reaction of some sort. Well I am over that Junior High shit. Now on to the good stuff

Daughter started her Senior yr of High school. :( its good and sad. She's Going so fast. So far her 3rd and doing good. Now the other daughter 6th grade homeschooling online. I need to get some stuff together I am still on vacation w/her. even thought it started on Monday LOL eeekk Easy to make up though on the weekend. So far it's mild.

Bells Palsy is GONE!! just some minor fine tuning needs to happen but all other symptoms gone. Well I dizziness still not sure why. So I need to get blood work done this week.

End of July

Finally, we it's sort of good. First Happy B-day to my Mom. Glad she came out to visit. She came on the 13th and Stayed at my home until Monday the 25th.THAT was shocking, fun, the best time ever. We hadn't had such a good relationship like that under the same roof in I don't know how long!! Even though we didn't do much of anything the time here was awesome. It has been over 2yrs since I seen here I think. maybe 3. She live in LA. She bought a truck and drove out here. She stayed at my brothers for a couple of days. He is being an ass as usual. Oh well I guess. over all things have been doing well.

On Saturday the 23th I suspected I had Bell's Palsy. Sunday the 24th Mom and I went to Urgent Care and yes YES I do have it. It is CRAZY. I just went in yesterday for a check and things are where they should be with the disease/disorder. Uhhhh its hard to eat and drink. But I am dealing with it. So Onto August.....

JULY 2, 2011

OHHH wow. It's here the hot stuff. YIKES. Well I think it is going to be a busy month. I know lots of scrapbooking and stamp stuff going on. My Mom is coming out for a few weeks, etc etc. I am looking forward to that.

We are HOME, had a good but too short visit my my DAD it made me want to cry all the time from pain for him. The kids had fun thans goodness there was a carnival scen in our parkiling lot, they kept themselves entertained. Brother spent time with us too. It was good seeing them, just not nough time :( things didnt go as we were thinking but we had backup plans too. some rocky situations but nothing to get in the way. Then female issues decided to changes courses on me to a bit early that's always fun had to run to the store. I certainly was trying to make the best of the situation. grrrrr Overall the whole weekend was pretty good Considering we are the Ives/Stout/Blackmon blood it could have gotten pretty darn brutual LOL.

Now for the downside vacation from one run down not what it use to be disappointing South Lake Tahoe, over the last 3yrs or so it has gone down hill. Run down casinos, GUTTED casinos half machines alre gone, no crowds which is good, still tons of smoke, NO COINS!! WTH? SLots machines are no fun without coins. Just put in your bills and if YOU WIN we will print you a voucher receipt, we will make the machinge go blinblbingbling instead of ching ching ching :( Bill's casino is no more and has been vadalized. sidewalks are broken up all over. I felt like I was in Vegas or Reno slums. Plus the the big hole is still there from 3-4yrs ago when the company Tom works for got hired to start concrete work is still there. That company filed bankrupcy and so a huge construction zone is sitting ther with wasted work from construction. But all the high priced shops are across the street.

We were suppose to pick up Dad this morning and go to breakfast but he had a migraine and wasnt going away of course, then we were still going to meet up with Rob(brother) to eat but things were getting pretty packed and would put us really late leaving. Plus Mr Ives is getting grumpy and doesnt want to deal with tstuff. So I didnt get to spend any more time with him. I actually said it was ok for Tom to stay the night at Rob's last night because I wanted to get some sleep at the hotel and I wasnt feeling well. So basically today was the only day that turned out to be a bummer. Now were are home and cant get out dogs until the morning :( I am soo missing them. RIP NIKA too I took nap and was crying for her in my sleep/dreams. Well that's it. Not much to really brag about other than we are alive and no real arguing took place woo hoooo.

Also Dad looks real bad, he has shut down gave up. I did cried a few times. Didnt get to really talk either. I wish I could spent the a whole day with him of course.
OH yeah LOL I also forgot my eyeliner. Oh well I figured I guess it was needed. I have never ever done that so weird.

Our 20together/15 yrs marriage anniversary

OH MY GOSH!Year after year I hope it still continues. Last year so scary. This is is somewhat numb and blah. He feels like i hadnt done anything since we went to counseling. ME?? OMG it was for both of us and for him to understand it is a joint effort. He still thinks I do nothing for him. I am getting confused my this as he never tells me what he means. I can only do so much around here.The 2 girls can help too. Heck he can pick stuff up after himself as well. Well anyway My Dad is being a jerk. He is sick and supposedly dying. Well as an addict and alcoholic he claims he had stopped or slowed down since he is sick. I know different. Well I happened to find come pictures posted on Fb of my stepbrother's party hmmmm I see my DAD..then I see Rexie his gross whore wife partying with dude and take his shirt off and then then kissing him. I was pissed. Then I found out that my Dad was suppose to help my brother but them ditched him for this party. So I confronted my Dad and he was a jerk about it and now he needs time to thinks things over. I told him he should divorce the bitch but I know he wont he needs her so he wont be alone he said. My brother confronted him too and had worse things to say on machine and vocal by phone. Dad ws a jerk too. Now Neither of us has heard from him. My brother is taking this harder that me he Helps him in many ways, caregiver, driver etc.
This was for celebrating Father's Day as well as anniversary. We will see what happens.

He's acting up again

Tom is being so mean to me with his ignoring, swooshing me away, telling me dont talk to him when I asking him questions. He has time to do things and FOR people like his friends but not for us. I still dont understand why We are still here. He is so cold hearted to me. It hurts I want to cry all the time. He plays these mind games like switching stories to me me sound like I am making it up when in REALITY I am telling him the truth he just forgot. THAT drives me insane and I think that is what he wants so that I am the bad guy. I ache everyday. I have no way out at this point so much at stake. He tries to make me look bad in front of the kids and tries for me to be jealous of them. I Just cant take it.

SICK OF IT ALL Note: VERY DISTURBED ME AND BAD LANG. read at own risk

I am so fed up. get no respect from kids, especially husband. I hate mother's day it's jusy another fucking day of misery. I dont know why I even try to do anything for anybody. I have already gaven up on somethings. All I get is CRAP from everybdy in my life. ALl my life been told to act a certain, be a certain way, when i lash out or speak up I get CRAP for it. Fuck this so called life. Husband and I whatever...I am freaking crying on mother's day tears of hatered, hurfulness, disappointment etc, So what call it self pity I dont care anymore. He said you are not my MOm so why celebrate the things. WHAT THE FUCK EVER!! SO I tell him finally how bad it hurts and that he still should talk to the kids he saids that dont give a fuck. I know they do somewhat but he doesnt have to sy it. I cant evn type I am so blurry eyed. Why did all those people tell me kept working on oyur marriag, there will be struggles, sometimes putting up with it is what you have to do. SHUT THE FUCK UP I should have said that and be done. NOoooo I try and fight etc sick of it I am trired of hearing he's leaving, divorce etc etc. I am so tired of being tired. I told him last week it would be sorta nice for us all to go eat for Mother's Day, HE SAID I hate going out to eat on Mother's Day it's alwaya crowded, I said okay maybe Saturday. Well nothing else happened. Today he said are we going out? I said you told me no it was too crowed well... appraently I made it up. He didnt remember or whatever. well I know what was said. SO of course all we did was argue I cried hurt feelings he couldnt take it and left for 30 minutes now what?? I hate this life I hate myself I hate evrything right now.

May 1st already YIKES

I don not like the sound of that. this month is going to be crazy as usual. Total roller coaster. Let's MiKaila is suppose to be doing star testing all week. Good luck as she won't wake up for it. Tomorrow is the anniversary date we adopted Shadow :). The 4th is the anniversary date my maternal Grandma past away. On Saturday the 7th taking MiKaila to see Selena Gomez concert it is a bit of a drive away.Sunday is Mother's day REALLY? wow Then The 20th is the anniversary of both paternal grandparents different years, the 25 the funeral for them again different years. Finally Memorial day weekend. Oh and NATIONAL SCRAPBOOK DAY IS also this month how did I pass that one? That is in the beginning sometime. So much anxiety just thinking about it. Then of course all the drama that in between. I'm sure I will try and post all that as it happens. So this is a head ups to May mania manic memories.

Easter Eve 2011

Well he has managed to make me cry and ruin egg dying well sorta. MiKaila and I were the only ones that did it. That was fun though. He acts like a child who needs soo much attention. I cant help to wonder how much more I can take. He has been out of work for 1 week now. He annoys us all. Between drinking and smoking he is soo annnoying. I am sick to death of it. He cant do anything with us with his "courage" then we get upset with him. He acts like it is all our faults. I hope tomorrow will be nice. Until then....

Spring 2011

SOooo it's Spring, I dont want it to be. I want to have a cloud over me at all times. I dont do well in the sun, heat etc. Allergies are gonna be bad. So far the rain is still here and I love it. I am more inclined to do things. Well I am working on this disgusting house. Makes me sick. My Mom will be coming sometime these next few months so I have been working hard with no help/ THAT really pisses me off!!! Just hoping to get my stuff accomplished. little at a time it seems. For now that will have to do.

Eminem - Beautiful

OMG 3-6-2011

WOW oh wow. There has been so much going on since the last post. I was so depressed or not functioning to blog. I am sorry my wacky world. Yes it sure has been a wacky one.Deaths, depressions, bad health, hate, fights etc. No all under on e roof thats for sure. Well So far we are doing okay. DH has cut back on the divorce talk. I am trying and working real hard on myself and cleaning up things around here. The kids are so so. They are having some struggles especially the oldest. She had to be pulled out to do ind. study she wanted to. She is doing better. This fall she will very little school work for hr Senor year. :) Money is okay still struggling badly. Trying to manage. So for now thats all I can rememember or can get in t.