He's acting up again

Tom is being so mean to me with his ignoring, swooshing me away, telling me dont talk to him when I asking him questions. He has time to do things and FOR people like his friends but not for us. I still dont understand why We are still here. He is so cold hearted to me. It hurts I want to cry all the time. He plays these mind games like switching stories to me me sound like I am making it up when in REALITY I am telling him the truth he just forgot. THAT drives me insane and I think that is what he wants so that I am the bad guy. I ache everyday. I have no way out at this point so much at stake. He tries to make me look bad in front of the kids and tries for me to be jealous of them. I Just cant take it.

SICK OF IT ALL Note: VERY DISTURBED ME AND BAD LANG. read at own risk

I am so fed up. get no respect from kids, especially husband. I hate mother's day it's jusy another fucking day of misery. I dont know why I even try to do anything for anybody. I have already gaven up on somethings. All I get is CRAP from everybdy in my life. ALl my life been told to act a certain, be a certain way, when i lash out or speak up I get CRAP for it. Fuck this so called life. Husband and I whatever...I am freaking crying on mother's day tears of hatered, hurfulness, disappointment etc, So what call it self pity I dont care anymore. He said you are not my MOm so why celebrate the things. WHAT THE FUCK EVER!! SO I tell him finally how bad it hurts and that he still should talk to the kids he saids that dont give a fuck. I know they do somewhat but he doesnt have to sy it. I cant evn type I am so blurry eyed. Why did all those people tell me kept working on oyur marriag, there will be struggles, sometimes putting up with it is what you have to do. SHUT THE FUCK UP I should have said that and be done. NOoooo I try and fight etc sick of it I am trired of hearing he's leaving, divorce etc etc. I am so tired of being tired. I told him last week it would be sorta nice for us all to go eat for Mother's Day, HE SAID I hate going out to eat on Mother's Day it's alwaya crowded, I said okay maybe Saturday. Well nothing else happened. Today he said are we going out? I said you told me no it was too crowed well... appraently I made it up. He didnt remember or whatever. well I know what was said. SO of course all we did was argue I cried hurt feelings he couldnt take it and left for 30 minutes now what?? I hate this life I hate myself I hate evrything right now.

May 1st already YIKES

I don not like the sound of that. this month is going to be crazy as usual. Total roller coaster. Let's MiKaila is suppose to be doing star testing all week. Good luck as she won't wake up for it. Tomorrow is the anniversary date we adopted Shadow :). The 4th is the anniversary date my maternal Grandma past away. On Saturday the 7th taking MiKaila to see Selena Gomez concert it is a bit of a drive away.Sunday is Mother's day REALLY? wow Then The 20th is the anniversary of both paternal grandparents different years, the 25 the funeral for them again different years. Finally Memorial day weekend. Oh and NATIONAL SCRAPBOOK DAY IS also this month how did I pass that one? That is in the beginning sometime. So much anxiety just thinking about it. Then of course all the drama that in between. I'm sure I will try and post all that as it happens. So this is a head ups to May mania manic memories.