SO lets see SO We get the mail from our tenants, rent check and 30day notice. They bought a house and are moving. SO we are not going to rent it out, cant sell out right either. We are going to try to short sale it. Tom is flipping, plus he just got another pay cut, then I found out our homeowners insurance was cancelled ALL IN THE SAME TIME FRAME. I got the insurance taken care of. Now for the other stuff. YIKES
Last night Tom and I started fighting, first he gets home and freaks out no dinner, I was on phone to my mom returning her call and looking at emails. He is complaining about him making his own dinner. Then I hear him yelling about I should get a job now since I dont do anything and that I slept all day. LOL FUNNNNNYYYY I was downtown all day at MiKaila's school site getting her homeschool stuff for 2hrs then went in to the store. Fuck him. He has no idea. So the phone rings and it's his brother who Tom calls when he is soooo mad at me....so that's my payback. So they talk and he gets off and says a couple of things, then says something about fishing I said if he has trouble thinking with his brain legions then how could he drive? Well then Tom said I think it would be nice to have all the kids here I said all what kids their 2 kids? Is all? Well I said something else next thing you know he says I am hater and I hate his family I said you dont even know what your are talking about that not true. Your mom is the one who broke us all about and put a wedge that couldnt be changed he got mad, then he said other stuff we got on to how I dont do anything and that I have changed which is funny because he says I havent changed most of the time HE IS SOOO confused. I said you dont seem to listen when I tell you stuff, I have been a depressive person all my life and abandoned by people my mom your mom etc etc my dad is dying etc, HE SAID that's because I PUSH PEOPLE AWAY, it drives me crazy and I told him like the first full year we lived here we had the girls home, helping I cleaned we had Jim over for dinners etc then I started slipping more, kairlona died(he rolled his eyes ohhh pleasssee) that pissed me off, then I started lithium and that has really settled me and thoughts, I am tired, over weight, stress, kids return to school, I was home alone all day with the animals, etc etc he yell WHAT THE FUCK do you have to be stressed about... oh I have to take the kids to school ooo the dogs oooh. He basically put me down. I said ya know what it's shit like that... that put me under on top of daily stuff. SO then he brings up how I never do anything or go anywhere with him...I said oh thats funny because WE have no money you say everything cost too much. I said we have kids too whe the fuck are "WE" suppose to do? Al you do is fish and I let you do with issues, What do I do NOTHING!!! I cant even do my scrapbooking because I am depressed or I have to clean clean and cook. He said I work full time, maybe you should go to work. I homeschool, now plus you complain about how much it isnt worth for me to drive to town. WHAT job would I get hired to do anyway? We use to do lots before kids and no or low money. Then when oldest came we still did some things after 2nd came we owned a home and car payments etc and now he has no time, bills and not much money, I am fat, hate myself, no energy, and is a house mouse. He says he just cant see ourselves continuing like this....oh and I bet because I have no desire for him. I have always been like that it does come and go sometimes, I was molested when I was little and that carries with you he knows that but doesnt care or understand. Well we ramble on blaming each other for everything. He says dont tell me you care because I look around and I see nothing done, no dinner and you are on the computer. I said ya I dont care sometimes. It drives me nuts to clean up and have people disrespect the stuff I did and then I have to it over. (my body aches and I tire easily) But that is nothig compared to what he does yes I do agree but still It is a valid issue for me. So he too that he tried to see if we could go to Marine world one weekend and I said I would love to but MiKaila just started that cleansing treatment from the GI specialist. SOOO of course he brings up that I said no...he thinks that was it. WTF So we argued about him not hearing all conversations. I said I know your ADD mind...HE GOT PISSED see you like to have everybody on pills blah blah...I continued on about that weekend, he still doesnt even get it or cae. So he walked away. I sat there crying a bit I move to livingroom and was crying an sais I sdont even get validation....HE appears stand there and asked will you ever be happy?? I ignore him because the kids came out to intevene in their sneaking way. FUCK NO I wont, it's not that I dont wantto it's that I cant it seems. Oh and one point he said do you think you'd be happier on your own cause I dont hink so...what would you be doin like he is GOD,,,I said THE SAME you moron, I would be taking care the kids and whatever come my way, obviously I'd still be miserable. UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH He makes me so mad and sad and frustrated. I told him If I got of the pills I WOULD kill myself because before them I was having thoughts and irrationa behaviors. Not that they made me perfect now but it has curbed my before stuff. I still can smile, laugh and be fun. I'm not a zombie but I just dont have self confidence never have probably never will. Thanks to my MOM for that. I am tired of not being validated for the things I Do. I know my weaknesses and I know my strengths.
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