Life really sucks

Tom and I got into a huge fight again. I just cant keep my mouth shut, he cant learn to listen. I am so sick of myself. I regret my mom being my mom because I see some of my actions are what she use to do and I know they are not okay. But how do I stop them? I have been sad and severly depressed since our big fight I feel so little. I am a failure as a mom and wife. The homeschooling thing is tought right now because I am such a slacker. 9DD is defiant and wants to paly around all day. Even when she was in a physical school she did too. I am at a loss for her I have had anxiety for a week now I feel like I am suffocating. Its ahrd for me to breath. My favorite time of the year and it is becoming hard to like because of all this stress. DH and I arent really speaking much. He hurt me in some ords and he said he caries scars from being with me I want to cry now by thinking about it. He says I dont cook, clean or anything anymore, I never really did that much in the first place. He feels like I am using him for his support LOL>HE WAS BROKE when I met him and we both were losers then. He's says I rather sit at home make him work. He claims I NEVER WORKED!!! That is BS because I have worked since I was 15.5 to support myself. I work and went to school when I was while pregnant both times. I havent worked since 2003 because of issues with older dd and myself. Things got better but then my issues started in. He even said things were better when I am at home one time, He is always going back and forth. NOW WE have no money for me to go to school or work. GAS is high, we live far away, I have no skills, the kids, Etc etc. I am so fucking sick in the head, stomach and heart over all of this. If I speak my tone or words are wrong, if I am quiet then I am looking for attention or being a bitch....I want to just give up. He thinks I dont want to be with him anymore when reality is him...he doesnt want to do this. He says he wants to pack his bags. He asked me where would you go...I said I had lots of places. Ya I dont have money. Sometimes I wish I was working and other times I am glad I'm not. I have so many issues that is makes me sick. I dont think I am capable of working right now. I do feeli guilty all the time not being able to help more or do the house stuff. I jsut wish I was better. I a mtired of crying and thinking. Oh and he said I'll i'm good at is sitting on facebook getting fat. That hurt alot, I didnt have FB whne I starting gaing wait you fucking moron. Yes I yelled that back. I am so fed up. Then the homeschool teacher is strongly feeling like miKaila shouldnt be HSed. what ever. Then she is reading into my feeling s more that whatis there. Im sorry but she has no right to tell me that she wont switch M to another math. SHE DOESNT GET THIS method. DUHHH I bit my tongue I dont want fights alright with this Home program. Fuck I am sooo pist. I cuss If I am angry or frustrated. I really hate myself and things LIFE right now.